Down and Out in Denver

So after a night in with Julianna Margulies on Friday, it was clearly time to hit the town on Saturday.  And indeed so much fun was had that I was in no position to report on it yesterday.

Saturday evening began with a trip to NoRTH, in Cherry Creek (and yes, they spell it that way; I have no idea why).  There my dining partner and I began with wine: he red, I white.  I like dry white wines and as NoRTH specializes in the food of northern Italy, it seemed like a good opportunity to take advantage of their selection. You can order wines by the glass, bottle, or terzo, a fancy way of saying a mini-carafe that is bigger than a regular sized-glass and only a couple bucks more expensive.  So that’s what we did.  For dinner I started with what was billed as a classic Caesar salad.  I was a little disappointed.  Lettuce, dressing, and croutons (very nice and chewy) were all just fine, but where were my anchovies?  A classic Caesar without anchovies, I ask you?  Not so classic.  We both had the wild mushroom risotto with seared scallops as a main course and it was delicious.  I’m a bit picky about risotto.  I learned how to make it in college while in the Veneto (from whence it comes) and I am firmly of the opinion that the rice should be congealed to the point that it’s kind of gloppy (to use a word my mother likes).  Each individual grain should not be separated out like regular rice.  This occurs because a good risotto can be stirred for hours — some all day! — before serving.  NoRTH’s risotto was prepared exactly that way and so I was pleased. No room for dessert – and frankly the dessert menu was a little boring, anyway.  Service was good as well.  All in all, a pleasant meal.

But on to the main event.  We went to Charlie’s and unbeknownst to us the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association (CGRA) was crowning its Miss and Mr. CGRA 2010, what the CGRA calls its “royalty.”  We had no idea.  A word first on Charlie’s, Denver’s country and western gay bar.  Alastair and I are not exactly C&W people – and nor is the friend with whom I went on Saturday – though I have an extreme weakness for ladies singing country music.  What I do love about Charlie’s, however, is the degree of seriousness with which everyone takes their dancing.  Watching the line-dancing and two-stepping is a lot of fun and there is something refreshing in the unabashed earnestness with which people approach it.  No pretending that one is “too cool for school” at Charlie’s.   It’s also just really friendly.  If many of the homos in Denver’s gay bars seem cliquish and full of themselves, people at Charlie’s are anything but, and that is also appreciated.  Finally, you can’t get much better than a pair of disco boots (as opposed to a ball) spinning over the dance floor.

But back to the CGRA.  There were only three contestants total for both positions: two for Miss and one for Mr.  So Mr.’s victory was a foregone conclusion and one had to feel especially sorry for the first runner up for Miss, the only person not to win that evening.  Here’s where things get confusing.  Miss CGRA seems to be a drag queen, female impersonator, man-in-a-dress-and-heels, whatever you want to call her, possibly even an MTF transsexual.  But Mr. appeared to be a man.  In men’s clothing.  I checked the CGRA’s website and they don’t give much explanation for how these contests are run or what indeed the criteria are (that said, last year’s Mr. CGRA was elected Mr. International Gay Rodeo Association in Toronto and Miss CGRA was second runner up, so they must be doing something right).  But why is Miss CGRA a drag queen if Mr. isn’t a drag king?  The website does make it clear that there are also categories for Ms. and MsTer CGRA and the past winners seem like a woman and drag king or transman.  That said, there were no contestants in these categories on Saturday.

But even if we were to sort out why both Miss and Mr. titles were awarded to what seemed to be anatomical men, it wouldn’t actually answer the question of what the criteria were.  It seems more clear with regard to the Miss contest.  These men do, after all, have to dress up to look like something they are not.  And they have to lip synch.  But what Mr. CGRA has to do in order to win remains an open question.  Perhaps compete in an actual rodeo?  If so, that was not going to happen at Charlie’s itself.  Maybe Miss CGRA also has to lasso a steer?  Unclear.  If not – and despite the fact that I am generally a fan of Charlie’s and certainly don’t want to be a snob about what the CGRA calls the “gay country and western lifestyle” – then both of these titles seem to be little more than beauty contests.  And honestly, gays, haven’t we learned anything from the women’s movement?  Beauty contests are dumb.  They objectify their participants and place a premium on appearance at the expense of talent and brains.  I really am curious about what the criteria are, so anyone out there who knows, feel free to chime in.  (The International GRA website briefly mentions five categories for competition – interview, western wear, horsemanship, public presentation, and entertainment –but it’s unclear whether the same criteria apply at the state level.)

After the festivities, as we headed for the door – and on to other bars – we passed by the first runner-up for Miss CGRA.  I paused to congratulate her and she thanked me demurely, leaning in for a congratulatory kiss on the cheek.  It was as if she had won.  Now that’s the kind of attitude I can reward with a crown!